Dear Joe the Stalker,

Hi. It's me, the woman from Big Name Copy Store. Remember, the one you tried to walk home from work that one night, the one you kept staring at while she was working, the one whose manager told you, in essence, to perform physically impossible acts on yourself? The one who was enjoying her time at the library when you turned up?

I'm not screwing around any more. The police have your name and description, and buddy, they're on my side. And they are bigger and stronger than you.

Creep.

In closing, please go stick your bits in a clamp.

Absolutely no love under any circumstances, you perv,

Me