I shouldn't have to write this letter

Dear street guy,

No matter how not-drunk you are, no matter if you have kids my age, no matter how nice and sane and reasonable you seem to be, and no matter how much you like my haircut, running your hand through my hair without asking me is not acceptable. Ever.

Ew. I cannot take enough showers.

Most sincerely,
Me.

Dear Joe the Stalker,

Hi. It's me, the woman from Big Name Copy Store. Remember, the one you tried to walk home from work that one night, the one you kept staring at while she was working, the one whose manager told you, in essence, to perform physically impossible acts on yourself? The one who was enjoying her time at the library when you turned up?

I'm not screwing around any more. The police have your name and description, and buddy, they're on my side. And they are bigger and stronger than you.

Creep.

In closing, please go stick your bits in a clamp.

Absolutely no love under any circumstances, you perv,

Me